The Other Side of Hope

Hope isn't always a happy-hopeful feeling.  Having hope in the midst of a cold, dark night of the soul can feel utterly hopeless.  It can feel pointless.  Foolish.  Stupid.  Asinine.  Why have hope when all hope seems lost?

Having Hope against all odds is vulnerable, and risky.  It is to take one's heart and say BELIEVE when believing is the last thing it wants to do.  Having hope in certain situations makes no rational sense.

Placing one's heart in Hope for all the world to see is at best courageous and inspiring, and at worst is an embarrassment, and can leave an exposed and wounded, bereft and confused heart.

We are a family that loves our pets.  Our baby of the family, our kitten Hope, has been missing for almost two weeks now.  We have no idea of where she is or what may have happened to her.  Hope barely ever stepped foot off of our property, or even frolicked in our garden unless we were by her side; rather, she was always sitting at our door or window, waiting to be given the invitation to come inside. 

Without God, and thus without Hope, we would believe she's never coming home.  We would have to accept the fact that something happened to her, grieve, and get on with it.  To have hope that she may return after being gone for two weeks seems completely foolish.  Stupid.  Asinine.  She is a kitten, not a cat.  She can not provide for or fend for herself. 

If her name were Tiger or Kitty, it would be easier to accept that she's gone and won't be coming back.  But her name is Hope, and in this circumstance hope is not so easy to dismiss.  As much as I try to shake it off--I can't.  Hope clings like an unwanted friend.   

If we didn't live at Horizons of Hope, and if God hadn't already taught us to Have Hope even in the darkest of nights, it would be easier to accept what seems to be the truth, the reality, the inevitable.

In this case, in all honesty, I don't want to have hope.  It scares me.  It feels like a wreckless thing to do with my heart.  The emptiness of death already stands at my door.  I can feel its cold, dark stare. 

Yet I will hope.
I will force my heart to hope.
Though I'd rather guard it
and wrap it 'round with common sense,
I will tell it to BELIEVE.
After all,
He has done greater things than this.

Hope against Hope,
I will believe.

"But hope that is seen

is no hope at all. 

Who hopes for what he already has?

But if we hope for what we do not yet have,

we wait for it patiently."

-Romans 8:24

Expecting

We're expecting.

Know what I mean?

We're 39 years old, almost 40, and we're expecting.

From this seemingly barren and deadened womb,
we're expecting.

We're expecting new life. 
We're having wild hope.
We're following after Abraham & Sarah,
and against all hope,
we are choosing to BELIEVE...
that nothing is too hard
or impossible for our God.

We're dreaming BIG of twins,
one boy and one girl.

And, no, we're not pregnant.
Not yet. 
We're just having GREAT EXPECTATIONS. 

We're expecting another, as well.

In a few days we will embrace our next long term guest.

We are filled with hope and excitement
for what we know the Lord is going to do
in her life during her months here with us.

And better yet, she's expecting.

She is expecting.

She's 29, and she's broken.

For the first time in her life,
she doesn't want control.

For the first time in her life,
she doesn't have it all together.

For the first time in her life,
she can no longer put on the smile.

She's broken in a million pieces. 
Yet, there is hope. 

She's expecting...

HIM

to meet her
to heal her

to speak to her

to redeem her
to change her

She's told her friends back home,
" You just wait and you'll see.

I'm not coming back the same.

You'll barely be able to recoginize me.
I'm going to be reading the Bible every day
and I'm giving my whole life to God. 
I will come back changed. 
I will be a completely different person."

WE are expecting...

and we know that those who place their
unprecedented,
childlike,
crazy-kinda
HOPE
in Him
will not be disappointed. 

Appleina

Appleina, as I have nicknamed her, is part of our church.  She is new to Jesus and is passionate about coming to know Him better.  We invited her out to our home a few months ago to get to know her better, and she has returned again and again--and we expect more visits to come. 

We love this girl.  As I told her a few weeks ago, "You're easy for me."  She said, "What do you mean?" I said, "I mean, you're just easy for me--to get along with, to be with.  I like you.  You make me laugh and smile.  You're easy."  She thanked me and smiled.  Appleina.

I gave her her cheery nickname because we have a grove of apple trees, and during each of her visits she has climbed the trees, with joy, and has gathered apples, apples and more apples.  Then she methodically cuts them into small pieces, simmers them in water and cinnamon, and fills the house with a wondrous smell as she makes apple sauce.  The climbing and gathering, cutting and creating--she says it's like therapy for her.   

Since Appleina is new to Jesus, she's full of questions, and we always have good, deep conversation.  When she's here with us, we read a chapter of the Bible together each day and share our thoughts.  She is intelligent and has taken her commitment to Him seriously.  She has counted the cost and has thrown herself at His feet, and it's such a privilege to be part of her life right now--to be able to watch it all happen before our eyes.  She is struggling with everything in her to leave the habits of her old lifestyle behind--and is trusting that the ways of Jesus are far better than any high of this world.  But it's not easy. 

During her last visit, she asked me if I could help her find some Bible verses that mention how God sees her--who He says she is--as she wants to fill herself with such truth.  I was immediately reminded of a Bible verse that had come to my mind earlier that day to share with her, and so I did:

God's Word says that you are...

The Apple of His Eye

...which means that you are at the very center of His affection.  Like the pupil is at the center of the eye, you are at the very center of His love, and His desire is for you. 

Please pray for Appleina, and for her to continue to follow hard after her new Savior.  Her old life that was destructive to others and to herself is fighting hard to keep her...but we know that He who has called her by name is full of love, and is faithful.

"Show the wonder of Your great love,
   You who save by Your right hand
   those who take refuge in You from their foes.

Keep me as the apple of Your eye; 

  hide me in the shadow of Your wings
  from the wicked who assail me,
  from my mortal enemies who surround me." 

                                --Psalm 17: 7-9

***And yes, the apples above were handpicked
       by you know who :)

Preparation

We are most definitely in a season of preparation here.  The Lord is paving the way for the women He will bring one day, and He's doing it in the most amazing of ways.


We, as a family, have settled into our new home and surroundings, and absoultely LOVE this new life out in the countryside that the Lord has given us.  We have to pinch ourselves sometimes that this dream really became a reality, and that this beautiful home is ours.  It is crazy.  Crazy good.


We have spent the last weeks unpacking and organizing, sanding and painting, weeding and pruning.  We are getting ready for our girls.  Preparing for their arrival. 


Little did we know that He was going to prepare us in a different way--with our first long term guest.


Faith, I will call her, is the daugther of one my dearest friends.  She is 23 and is from the States.  Faith had heard about the house the Lord had given us, and emailed to ask if she could come and help us get settled in.  She said "I just want to help you in any way I can. I'll cook, I'll clean, I'll paint, help with the kids, anything!"  She was supposed to be here for two weeks.  She will now be here for two months.  About a week after she was here, we all felt like she was supposed to stay longer--until the work was done.  Not the work we're doing on the house...but a Greater Work that He has been doing in her heart. 

You see, Faith came here without faith or hope in our Living God.  Although she grew up in a Christian family, she never accepted Him as her own.  Rather, she rebelled, and wanted nothing to do with Jesus.  Coming here, she still knew that she wanted nothing to do with Jesus--she simply wanted to help us.  However, God had other plans for her. 

The first night she was here, I asked her if she'd be open to reading a chapter of the Bible every day.  We would read one chapter, write in our journals about it, and then come together each morning to discuss it. I felt very strongly that we should read Romans.  She said yes.  Not only did we read all of Romans; we have now read 1 Corinthians and are now reading Ephesians.  This is HUGE, because up until her arrival here, Faith had never read God's Word; she'd had no desire for it.   Now (to her surprise!) she loves it.  These morning times have become dear to us, and the Lord has used His Word to challenge both of us and move us in ways we never imagined.

For the first time in her life,

Faith has HOPE.

Faith is not the same woman she was one month ago.  It has been our honor to watch the Lord speak tenderly to her and to watch Him show her how big and good He is.  She has come alive in front of our eyes, and we are simply grateful to be part of what He's doing in her. 

But there's more to it.  The Lord is using Faith to prepare our family for what it will be like to have a young woman living with us, 24/7.  Will it really work to have a young woman live with us?  Yes. Yes. Yes!  It  is all I'd imagined it would be and more.    Faith and I are doing what I'd always envisioned I'd do with the women who come. 

Here's an example of our typical weekday:

• After the kids are off to school, we start our day by going for an hour walk / jog in the countryside. 

• We come home and study His Word for about an hour privately, then we get together and share our thoughts and pray together.

• Then we work on certain projects in the house until the kids come home from school--painting, gardening, cleaning, organizing (right now our main focus has been painting the girls' rooms).  What I find especially poignant is that Faith has shared that as she/we do our work, it's like therapy for her.  There's something about working hard, with purpose, that is healing to the soul.

• The rest of the afternoon we spend having fun with the kids, whether we play outside or bake cookies.  Often one of us will take the kids while the other one continues to work and get something done for the house (there is much to be done around here!)

• My husband comes home around 5pm, and we have dinner together as a family.  This is a special time for us, an important time of family fun and bonding. 

• After the kids go to bed, at 7pm, it's alone time for my husband and I, while Faith goes and has some time to herself.

• Later Faith joins us and the three of us spend time together, talking about the ways God has been working in us...sharing our joys and struggles.  There is much laughter.  It is always a rich, good time.

Having Faith here is nothing short of wonderful.  She has become part of our family.  God has used our home and our  family to help and bless her, and she, in turn, has been used by God to help and bless us. 

This was my dream: this home, our family, and having a young woman be part of our family as she heals, comes to know Jesus, and comes to learn His purpose for her life.  It's a dream come true already to have Faith here with us...

and this is just the beginning. 


***Above photo was taken by Faith
      on one of her "God Walks"

Our Newest Addition

sweet baby HOPE

FLY!

As you may have seen here in this painting, part of the vision we have for the women here is for them to FLY.  What I mean by FLY is that as they come to know the truth of who they are in Jesus, that they then realize their God given gifts and talents, and that they FLY as they do exactly what He has created them to do.

A few weeks ago this desire for the women was taught to me hands-on by a baby sparrow that was born on our property.  As we were in our backyard as a family, we noticed Baby Bird. She was all alone, and was bravely trying to get our attention.  She certainly was getting the attention of our new kitty Ruthie, and we quickly realized that was not a good thing. 

Baby Bird couldn't FLY.  We didn't know if she was injured, if she had just fallen out of the nest by accident, or if her mama had rejected her.  However, we soon realized that her mama would swoop down and feed her--so she was not rejecting her.  She just needed some help.

Not knowing what to do, we went next door to our very sweet 80 year old neighbors (and farmers) for some advice.  We took Baby Bird with us, in a little box.  Although they thought Baby Bird was certainly cute, they told us the best thing we could do would be to place her out in the wild so she could die.

Funny thing is, that as soon as they said that, Baby Bird jumped out of the box right onto my arm, as if to say, "Not me!  I am not going to be left to die. I just need a little help." 

It is amazing to me how quick people are to let the weak die. Just forget them.  Don't waste your time on them.  Don't have hope.  Just place them away somewhere so they can die. 

Of course I've gotten this response from people regarding the women I serve: Why are you trying to help them? They don't want your help.  They have chosen prostitut--n as a profession and they are happy doing it.  Just leave them alone.  It's their choice!

My interpretation: Leave them alone.  Let them die.

We came home to learn from my husband that he'd read on the internet to try to find the bird's nest, and in case she may have fallen out, to try and get Baby Bird as close to it as possible.  We looked in the area where we'd found her, and sure enough, we found her nest--with two of her sibllings inside.  We found a hanging basket, and hung it inches away from the nest. 

Having read that baby birds need to eat every 20 minutes, my daughter and I dug into the dirt and immediately found worms for Baby Bird.  As you can see in the picture above, I fed them to her and she gobbled them up.  Then we left the area to see what would happen. 

Baby Bird sat on the edge of the basket, all proud, looking up to her siblings as if to say, "I don't know how to get back in the nest, but I'm NOT giving up." 

Mama Bird came by, and hours later when we looked, somehow Baby Bird had made it back into the nest.  Two days later, I popped my head into the nest.  All three baby birds looked at me in shock, and all three took flight.  They were ready, if they had known it or not, to do what God created them to do.  

Helping Baby Bird FLY was so easy.  All we had to do was help her in the only way we knew how.  It wasn't belabored or complicated.  All we needed was a little hope for her that she would find her way back home and that she would learn to do what she was created to do. 

For me, it made me realize that when the Lord brings women here, we will not need to belabor over the fact of how to help these women FLY.  All we need to do is our part, the only way we know how, and with God's help, she will FLY.  She will do and be all that God has created her to be. 

She will FLY!

"Even the sparrow has found a home,

and the swallow a nest for herself...

 a place near your altar,

O LORD Almighty,

my King and my God."

-Psalm 84:3

Our 1st Girl!

Our first guest arrived six days after we moved in and we are hoping she stays forever.  We are completely smitten by her. 

Meet Ruthie, named after our friend Ruth, who prayed for Horizons of Hope to become a reality, and also after Ruth of the Bible--a woman who chooses to go to a home that is not her home, and in doing so she is redeemed. 

We were surprised and overjoyed to find little Miss Ruthie all alone in our tractor shed.  We had been hoping for a kitten, and the Lord placed her directly into our hands.  She was quick to be cuddled, and to play all day.  We immediately fell in love.  But the next morning when we went to the shed, she was gone.

Have Hope was what kept coming to mind.

Have Hope

We found Ruthie a few days later, in our garden, and realized that she had not been alone after all, but had been being cared for by her mama.  Her mama is a wild cat, and took Ruthie into some new found shelter.  We played and smoozed with Ruthie more...but then she ran off to her mama into the wild after about an hour.

Have Hope

Then we didn't see Ruthie for over a week.  We were sad.  The kids were sad.  We searched for her, called for her, to no avail. 

Have Hope

We got the feeling that Ruthie was teaching us what it would be like to welcome our first guest.  We may be smitten by her.  Shower her with love.  And then she might leave.  Choose her old life over the one God can offer her.  And our hearts may ache. 

People in the village told us not to bother with a  wild, feral kitten--they told us once wild, she will always be wild.  Sounded familiar to me:

"Once a prostit---, always a prostit---."

Such a lie.

Have Hope

About a week and a half after we'd last seen her, we found her again, hidden.  She was with her mama.  But she ran to me when she saw me and I called her, leaving her mama behind.  And she's been home with us ever since.

This little girl is sweet, fun and full of spunk.  Our daughter totes her around in her arms and wheels her around in her doll's baby carriage.  Ruthie chases soccer balls and runs after the kids when they ride their bikes.  She purrs loudly when you hold her.  She sleeps in our arms .  She is the coolest little kitty.  We completely adore her.  

We will love her for however long she is with us, as we will do with any women the Lord brings to our home.

On that subject...we did already receive our first request for a young woman to come to our home, but we had to decline.  We are in no way ready yet to receive our first guest.  We are just settling in ourselves, and are still not fully unpacked.  It has been a busy first month here.  There is lots to do--but it is GOOD to be home--especially after being given the gift of our sweet little Ruthie. 

Have hope!

DREAMING BIG: Adopt-a-Room

i dreamed BIG and the Lord gave us this incredible home.  however, i am going to continue to DREAM BIG because i want to see the Lord glorified as He uses His people to build this home that He is building.  we are very aware that this home is His Home and not ours--and that He is going to build it as He sees fit.  it is a very BIG home with many rooms, and we want to give His people the opportunity to be part of the building.  so i had this idea--of His people--individuals, couples, families, groups of friends, bible studies, small groups, churches or organizations--adopting a room and helping us furnish this great house of His.  there is a prayer room that needs furnishing, a living room/great room, a kitchen, an upstairs hang out room...but...

first on the agenda are the two Girls' Rooms, of course.  they are the only rooms in the house that are completely unfurnished and undone. 

DREAMING of...

• Flooring (hardwood, with a rug in each room, and also having the flooring extend to the hallway and both bathrooms)
• Furniture (Bed, Bedside Table, Dresser, Armoire/Wardrobe & a Comfy Chair for each room.  Perhaps even a Desk that doubles as a Vanity for each room?)
• Bedding (all dressed in pure, glorious white)
• Extras (ie: mirrors for the walls, chandeliers for lighting, flower vases, pretty towels for the bathrooms, window treatments, wallpaper...)

Let's take a current peek:

the two guestrooms are located upstairs,

in a private wing of the main house.
see the flooring in the hallway?

it is some type of linoleum, i think.  it looks like corkboard and it pulls right up.  it's in both bathrooms, too and it is not attractive

the carpet in the one room (above) is unfinished and i think was maybe meant to be subflooring?  i don't know.  the carpet in the other room is like old office carpet.  it's pretty gross.

each guest would have

 her own bedroom and private bathroom,

and a wondrous view of the countryside

to give her a glimspe of Hope

when she needs it most

both rooms have wood ceilings,
that i like,

 but i want to paint them white

so they look light and cheery and happy like this

now, let's have some fun.

Let's DREAM!

all images lovingly borrowed from
Pottery Barn's website

how incredible would it be for the Lord to bless these dear women in such an extragavant way?

if you are interested in being part of Adopt-A-Room in any way (meaning you don't have to adopt a whole room--it could be a part of a room), please contact me at havehopehh@yahoo.com