however, all of that changed on a certain, very ordinary day in february 2005, when we both believe that the Lord very directly spoke these words to us (not audibly, but clearly nonetheless):
dream
dream
dream again
dream
dream big
these truly are not words we would ever choose to tell ourselves if we happened to be in the place of God. we would have never even thought of 'em.
a few months later, it came again:
your dreams will dream dreams
huh?! if this was the Lord (which we believe it was), what on earth was He talking about? referring to? we really hadn't the slightest idea.
d r e a m?
dream about what?
for what?
why?
dream B I G?
and our dreams are going to dream dreams?
please wake us up
when any of this is going to make some sense.
d r e a m?
dream about what?
for what?
why?
dream B I G?
and our dreams are going to dream dreams?
please wake us up
when any of this is going to make some sense.
so we didn't go dreaming big dreams the next day. as i told you, it's not so easy for us to do (okay, i'll correct myself--that's past tense now--it wasn't so easy then to do--it's getting easier now).
however, there was a dream of mine that was quite easy to pull right up and out--my dream to have a home for women, as it had been in my heart at that time for about six years already. but i didn't put legs to it or anything--it was just a far off, one day i'd like to have a home for women coming out prostiuti*n dream. but unless the Lord led us to do such a thing, it wasn't gonna happen, so it's not like we focused on trying to make this dream a reality or anything. it was just a dream--like a poofy-cloud-in-the-sky-that-could-float-away-if-it-wanted-to kind of dream (though it burned in my heart like a fire). this was all back in 2005--all of this first time dream business.
fast forward to 2010. at that time i was living out part of my dream, in that i was working with women in prostitui*n for the first time in my life. i was part of a small team of women, going in weekly to the red light district's darkest brothels and nightclubs to befriend the girls and share with them the love of Jesus. for me, life couldn't seem to get any better. but then that dream stuff began to come again, but this time, STRONG. no fluffy cloud dreaming this time--it was like life or death, you MUST dream. well okay then. perfect timing, because i still had that one dream. and i was definitely seeing the need for it to come to fruition.
dream.
okay, i will. not a problem. i dream for a house for women coming out prostituti*n.
dream.
i want a house, a big house, where we can live, and they can come and live with us, and come to know Jesus at the same time, and get healed up of all they've suffered
ooh, i like it, and?
and come to know the truth of who You say they are
and?
and, and, come to have hope for the future You have for them
dream again
again? okay. i dream that it's out in the countryside, like out in the middle of nowhere
and?
that it's green. everywhere. as far as the eye can see.
nice! and what else?
um, that the women would have views from their bedrooms of the countryside, so when they feel like giving up, they'd just look out their window, and have peace in their hearts, and hope
good. now dream BIG.
bigger than that?
BIG.
okay. um, i dream that it'd actually be two houses, not just one. and i want the house to come fully loaded, furniture and all.
BIGGER.
bigger?! okay...i pray that You'd literally give it to us, so we wouldn't have to pay a dime for it.
BIGGER.
bigger?! okay...i pray that You'd literally give it to us, so we wouldn't have to pay a dime for it.
now we're talking. well done!
and here we are, about two and a half years later, living the DREAM.
but the Lord isn't done with me, or us, yet. you see, this dream business kinda has a mind of its own.
dream.
dream.
dream again.
your dreams will dream dreams.
this time, instead of the "huh?" the clouds started to part. let me explain. when the Lord so miraculously gave us these two homes, it proved to me that what i dreamt for (what i asked the Lord for), came true.
and before i knew it, it's like He took me by the hand, sat me down (in a cozy chair), sat across from me (in a cozy chair of His own), and looked me eye to eye, and smiled and said, "I gave you what you dreamed for, didn't I? Come on. There's more in there (He was pointing at my heart). Tell Me more. What would you dream to have, if you could have anything in the world?"
have you ever had someone ask you a question that makes you kinda squirm? want to turn your gaze? look the other way? or better yet, run?
you see, only God knew that i had a dream so stuffed down in my heart, that unless He were to force me to answer, i would never dared to have even a thought of such a dream in my life.
dream
you can't be serious
dream
you have really got to be kidding me!
dream
but how could i?!
dream
and why would i ever dare to imagine
that maybe...
possibly...
that it could ever be an option...
dream
you're really cornering me here, aren't you?
dream
okay, fine, i admit it.
i dream of having more children.
(mind you, this took me a loooong time to admit)
but this time, from my own womb.
(helpful hint: up to this point, in almost 18 years of being married, i have been pregnant 3 times, all ending in miscarriage. let's just say, it's been a long season of barrenness)
dream again
again?
isn't that dream big enough?
it is for me!
dream again
okay, well...i dream of having twins.
(to be honest, years ago, i had wanted twins, but i'd forgotten all about it until this dream business came upon me).
would love to have two at once!
a double blessing for sure.
now dream BIG.
bigger than that? how can a barren womb ask for a child, and have the audacity to ask for twins, and dream bigger than that?!
dream B I G. BIGGER.
(and this coming answer did not come quickly,
but after being pressed to dream, dream i did!)
hmmm. okay, i get what you're asking me to do. but this. is. BIG. are You ready for it? i want twins, but specifically a boy and a girl--that would be my ultimate dream. plus, one more child after or before that. so i would have a total of five. 2 given to us as gifts, and 3 additional gifts, via my womb.
well done!
whew! dreaming is hard work! but now, although i never excepted to feel this way, i'm filled with expectation and hope. may Your will, and Your will only, be done in my life, with these dreams.
amen.
you can't be serious
dream
you have really got to be kidding me!
dream
but how could i?!
dream
and why would i ever dare to imagine
that maybe...
possibly...
that it could ever be an option...
dream
you're really cornering me here, aren't you?
dream
okay, fine, i admit it.
i dream of having more children.
(mind you, this took me a loooong time to admit)
but this time, from my own womb.
(helpful hint: up to this point, in almost 18 years of being married, i have been pregnant 3 times, all ending in miscarriage. let's just say, it's been a long season of barrenness)
dream again
again?
isn't that dream big enough?
it is for me!
dream again
okay, well...i dream of having twins.
(to be honest, years ago, i had wanted twins, but i'd forgotten all about it until this dream business came upon me).
would love to have two at once!
a double blessing for sure.
now dream BIG.
bigger than that? how can a barren womb ask for a child, and have the audacity to ask for twins, and dream bigger than that?!
dream B I G. BIGGER.
(and this coming answer did not come quickly,
but after being pressed to dream, dream i did!)
hmmm. okay, i get what you're asking me to do. but this. is. BIG. are You ready for it? i want twins, but specifically a boy and a girl--that would be my ultimate dream. plus, one more child after or before that. so i would have a total of five. 2 given to us as gifts, and 3 additional gifts, via my womb.
well done!
whew! dreaming is hard work! but now, although i never excepted to feel this way, i'm filled with expectation and hope. may Your will, and Your will only, be done in my life, with these dreams.
amen.
you see, that first dream did dream some dreams, didn't it? i never expected it to do so, but dream dreams it did.
so, why do i, why do we, dream?
because for us, for our family, we believe God told us to. we do it out of obedience. i'm not saying this is for everybody to do. but for us, it is. it's what He's called us to do.
and, finally, back to the original question i posed,
why DREAM BIG?
i think,
and this is only my human-understanding hunch,
the bigger we dream,
the BIGGER it shows Him to be,
and the greater He will ultimately be glorified,
when He grants us the desires of our hearts.
the more i ask of Him,
the greater the awe of the answer.
upon receiving His unmerited gifts,
the deeper the love i have for Him,
and the stronger my trust in Him grows.
faith expands.
hope soars.
spiritual glass-ceilings burst.
all BIGGER, all greater,
than i could ever hope for or imagine
(or dream up to be).
this dreaming, it's catchy, i tell you. now He's got me dreaming of horses and more houses and property and all sorts of crazy stuff. and no, i'm not pregnant. not yet. i'm filled with hope, though. you kinda can't live in a house like we do, with answered prayers and dreams come true all 'round, and dare not to.
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p.s. to read more about my outlandish dreams, click here
p.p.s. i know, i know--you are wanting an update on Valentine. trust me, i know. but i only write when i feel led to do so, and her update--in words--hasn't come to me yet. there is a story to tell. thanks for your patience!
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p.s. to read more about my outlandish dreams, click here
p.p.s. i know, i know--you are wanting an update on Valentine. trust me, i know. but i only write when i feel led to do so, and her update--in words--hasn't come to me yet. there is a story to tell. thanks for your patience!
