Something Beautiful

as i went running this morning

 through the fields

in front of our home,

 it came to me:

something beautiful

is about to happen

something beautiful

is on the horizon

oh yes

yes yes yes

something that isn't ready to show, just yet

something that needs just a little more time

something

like yellow

happy happy

J O Y! full

to make you smile 

& maybe even

L A U G H

join us

as we wait with

 hopeful expectation

for His

G L O R Y

to be revealed

...

MORE

"God can do anything,

 you know--

far MORE

 than you could ever imagine

 or guess or request

 in your wildest dreams!" 

ephesians 3:20, the Message

as some of you may remember from my post Expecting, in january we welcomed our second long term guest.  she stayed with us for almost two months, and left for home the other day.  i've been antsy to write this post, because i'm so excited to share with you what the Lord did in her life that i'm about to jump out of my skin! can you tell?!?

to remind you, this dear one came broken, yet expecting. 

she came here expecting God to do great things in her life.

she even told her friends back home,

just you wait and see.

when i come home,

i will come back changed. 

i will  be a completely different person. 

i tear up as i write this. i can't help but cry at the goodness of our God.  He answered her prayers--her wild expectations--BIG time!  she DID go home a completely different person!  He gave her exceedingly MORE than all she expected, hoped for or could even imagine.  and we had the honor of watching it all happen, right in front of our eyes.  a-maz-ing!!!

"Now to Him

who is able

to do immeasurably MORE

than all we ask or imagine...

to Him be the glory..." 

ephesians 3:20, NIV

let's take a look at what a few of her expectations were...

She was expecting... HIM

to meet her
to heal her
to speak to her

to redeem her
to change her

okay...so...

• HE met her.   just where she was. He knew exactly where and how to find her, and how exactly to relate just to her.  He lavished her with His love, and melted her heart.  and better yet, she met Him!  she came to know the truth of who He is, and who she is in Him!  she said, He's the best man I've ever given my heart to.  can you even stand it?!

• HE healed her. oh, how He healed her!  He healed her and set her free from years and years of pain and shame.  she had no idea how He would do it, but He did it! and He went deep, and did a thorough excavation of her heart of hearts.  she told us, filled with such peace and joy, and with a huge smile on her face,  I'm going home, well and whole.  does it get any better than that?!

• HE spoke to her.  for the first time in her life, she heard His voice.  she read His Word and said it was like a love letter written just for her.  like a sheep knows its shepherd's voice, she came to know His sweet, sweet voice.  (i am trying not to start crying again at His goodness)

• HE redeemed her.  Jesus truly saved this dear one.  He saved her!  He rescued her from the pit and set her firmly upon the Rock, Himself!  He gave her new life, filled with more love than she ever thought possible.  filled with LOVE!

• HE changed her.  yes, He totally, undeniably did.  the girl that we once knew left here a completely different person.  she came broken--she left whole.  she came fearful--she left full of peace and joy.  she came ashamed--she left assured, of God's total and complete forgiveness and love and amazing grace.  when she would talk about Jesus, her face would light up a room.  her eyes sparkled, her skin radiated, her smile captivated.  this girl was brought back from death to life--but not just life--abundant life!!!

and what's MORE...

is that she left for home, not just saved and totally changed, but baptized!  in her daily reading (we read the Gospel of John), she came to the conclusion that she needed to be baptized.  it just so happens that my husband is a pastor, so baptizing her was no problem!  we actually did it here at our home.  we invited all of her new friends from our church and women's bible study.  we had a big slumber party on a saturday night, and sunday morning at 9am, she was baptized!  since it's still winter here with snow on the ground, we actually baptized her in a blow up pool, right in our living room.  it was beautiful!!! i wish i could show you a picture of her face when she came up out of the water, because her smile says it all.  (as you may have noticed, for our guests' and family's safety and privacy, i don't post pictures of faces). 

here she is, all robed in pure white,
right after she was dunked!
we were praying for her at this moment.
notice her ring, that was our gift to her,
inscribed with 2 Corinthians 5:17,
 "...if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. 
The old has gone, the new has come!"



and what's even MORE...

is that she became family to us.

we cooked and baked and cleaned together.

we sat in front of the fire at night,

and told stories, and laughed hard.

we took the kids sledding in the snow.

we did life together for two months,

and it was a joy.

it was better, more wonderful...

it was MORE!

than any of us thought that it would be.

isn't that just like our Jesus?

she came expecting Him to do great things, and He did.  but He did so much MORE than she, or i, i must admit, could have ever hoped for.  many times we were both in awe at the wonders He was doing in her life, every day she was here.  we'd just look at each other, smile, and shake our heads in unbelief.  and what's awesome, is that it was all HIM.  i can't take any credit for any it--all i and we did was open our home, and do our small part.  all she did was come, expecting. and HE, He did it all.  all for His glory, and all because of His great, extravagant love for her--His princess bride.

* * *

let's believe Him for MORE,

dear friends!

M O R E!

than all we could ever hope for our imagine!

even in our wildest dreams...

In Search of Hope

out our front door

i have searched.

the kids and i have searched.

my husband and i have searched.

we have sought that which is lost...

for hope.

and we have come home empty handed. 

every time.

from the field looking toward home

i have called her name

loudly, foolishly, brazenly.

i have looked high in trees, low in bushes.
in winter's silence i have listened
for her tiny, tiny mew.

we have traveled north, south, east and west.

at times i was filled
 with hope and expectation.

 i also stewed in frustration.

some days i told the Lord,

my hope is as small as a mustard seed.

does that still count?

i have winced at times

when her name is mentioned

in front of our children,

fearful that wounds trying to heal

and little minds trying to understand

were being wrecklessly torn.


when our young son
with down syndrome,
has, at the most interesting of times,
asked
"wha hopey?"
(almost as if he supernaturally
knew that i needed to be
prodded with the question)
and
when our daughter has asked me
as i'm laying in bed with her at night
where hope might be,
i have been at a loss for words.
i've asked the questions myself
and don't have the answers. 

the walking path behind our home

as i have searched through scripture,

i have found solace, understanding and empathy.

i have felt His Word

to be like a kindred, old and faithful friend:

what strength do i have,

that i should still hope?

what prospects,

 that i should be patient?

job 6:11

where then is my hope?

who can see any hope for me?

job 17:15

sustain me according to your promise,

and i will live;

do not let my hopes be dashed.

psalm 119: 116


why are you downcast,
o my soul?
why so disturbed within me?
put your hope in God...
psalm 42:5

o hope of Israel,

its Savior in time of distress,

why are you like a stranger in the land,

like a traveler who only stays a night?

jeremiah 14:8 

the view from our daughter's window

as much as i have fought it at times,

i have also continued to be

filled with, and inspired by

hope,

again and again.

for me,

there was no escaping it:

there is hope for your future

jeremiah 31:17

there may yet be hope

lamentations 3:29

but as for me,

 i watch in hope for the Lord,

i wait for God my Savior;

my God will hear me

micah 7:7

...my soul is downcast within me.

yet this i call to mind

and therefore i have hope :

because of the Lord's great love

we are not consumed,

for His compassions never fail

lamentations 30: 20-22

indeed, in our hearts

 we felt the sentence of death.

but this happened

 that we might not rely on ourselves

but on God,

who raises the dead...

on Him we have set our hope

2 corinthians 1: 9-11

brothers, we do not want you to...

grieve like the rest of men,

who have no hope

1 thessalonians 4:13

ruthie, all grown up!

and thus i have had no choice

but to continue to hold onto hope

and to hold onto Him:

therefore, since we have such hope,

we are very bold

2 corinthians 3:12

let us hold unswervingly

 to the hope we profess,

for He who promised is faithful

hebrews 10:23

now faith is being sure of what we hope for

and certain of what we do not see

hebrews 11:1

no matter what the future may bring,

i know this:

i will not come home empty handed.
i will run after,
and chase down hope
'til its mine.

 unexpected, sparkling beauty

 has been found in the search. 
lessons have been learned,
and silver linings seen. 

hope has been poured into my heart.
and i've come to realize this: 

my hands are already full. 

***note to other cat lovers : ruthie, above, is the spunkiest cat ever.  as my husband and i went out in search for hope, literally over the fields and through the woods, ruthie faithfully followed.

The Other Side of Hope

Hope isn't always a happy-hopeful feeling.  Having hope in the midst of a cold, dark night of the soul can feel utterly hopeless.  It can feel pointless.  Foolish.  Stupid.  Asinine.  Why have hope when all hope seems lost?

Having Hope against all odds is vulnerable, and risky.  It is to take one's heart and say BELIEVE when believing is the last thing it wants to do.  Having hope in certain situations makes no rational sense.

Placing one's heart in Hope for all the world to see is at best courageous and inspiring, and at worst is an embarrassment, and can leave an exposed and wounded, bereft and confused heart.

We are a family that loves our pets.  Our baby of the family, our kitten Hope, has been missing for almost two weeks now.  We have no idea of where she is or what may have happened to her.  Hope barely ever stepped foot off of our property, or even frolicked in our garden unless we were by her side; rather, she was always sitting at our door or window, waiting to be given the invitation to come inside. 

Without God, and thus without Hope, we would believe she's never coming home.  We would have to accept the fact that something happened to her, grieve, and get on with it.  To have hope that she may return after being gone for two weeks seems completely foolish.  Stupid.  Asinine.  She is a kitten, not a cat.  She can not provide for or fend for herself. 

If her name were Tiger or Kitty, it would be easier to accept that she's gone and won't be coming back.  But her name is Hope, and in this circumstance hope is not so easy to dismiss.  As much as I try to shake it off--I can't.  Hope clings like an unwanted friend.   

If we didn't live at Horizons of Hope, and if God hadn't already taught us to Have Hope even in the darkest of nights, it would be easier to accept what seems to be the truth, the reality, the inevitable.

In this case, in all honesty, I don't want to have hope.  It scares me.  It feels like a wreckless thing to do with my heart.  The emptiness of death already stands at my door.  I can feel its cold, dark stare. 

Yet I will hope.
I will force my heart to hope.
Though I'd rather guard it
and wrap it 'round with common sense,
I will tell it to BELIEVE.
After all,
He has done greater things than this.

Hope against Hope,
I will believe.

"But hope that is seen

is no hope at all. 

Who hopes for what he already has?

But if we hope for what we do not yet have,

we wait for it patiently."

-Romans 8:24

Expecting

We're expecting.

Know what I mean?

We're 39 years old, almost 40, and we're expecting.

From this seemingly barren and deadened womb,
we're expecting.

We're expecting new life. 
We're having wild hope.
We're following after Abraham & Sarah,
and against all hope,
we are choosing to BELIEVE...
that nothing is too hard
or impossible for our God.

We're dreaming BIG of twins,
one boy and one girl.

And, no, we're not pregnant.
Not yet. 
We're just having GREAT EXPECTATIONS. 

We're expecting another, as well.

In a few days we will embrace our next long term guest.

We are filled with hope and excitement
for what we know the Lord is going to do
in her life during her months here with us.

And better yet, she's expecting.

She is expecting.

She's 29, and she's broken.

For the first time in her life,
she doesn't want control.

For the first time in her life,
she doesn't have it all together.

For the first time in her life,
she can no longer put on the smile.

She's broken in a million pieces. 
Yet, there is hope. 

She's expecting...

HIM

to meet her
to heal her

to speak to her

to redeem her
to change her

She's told her friends back home,
" You just wait and you'll see.

I'm not coming back the same.

You'll barely be able to recoginize me.
I'm going to be reading the Bible every day
and I'm giving my whole life to God. 
I will come back changed. 
I will be a completely different person."

WE are expecting...

and we know that those who place their
unprecedented,
childlike,
crazy-kinda
HOPE
in Him
will not be disappointed. 

Appleina

Appleina, as I have nicknamed her, is part of our church.  She is new to Jesus and is passionate about coming to know Him better.  We invited her out to our home a few months ago to get to know her better, and she has returned again and again--and we expect more visits to come. 

We love this girl.  As I told her a few weeks ago, "You're easy for me."  She said, "What do you mean?" I said, "I mean, you're just easy for me--to get along with, to be with.  I like you.  You make me laugh and smile.  You're easy."  She thanked me and smiled.  Appleina.

I gave her her cheery nickname because we have a grove of apple trees, and during each of her visits she has climbed the trees, with joy, and has gathered apples, apples and more apples.  Then she methodically cuts them into small pieces, simmers them in water and cinnamon, and fills the house with a wondrous smell as she makes apple sauce.  The climbing and gathering, cutting and creating--she says it's like therapy for her.   

Since Appleina is new to Jesus, she's full of questions, and we always have good, deep conversation.  When she's here with us, we read a chapter of the Bible together each day and share our thoughts.  She is intelligent and has taken her commitment to Him seriously.  She has counted the cost and has thrown herself at His feet, and it's such a privilege to be part of her life right now--to be able to watch it all happen before our eyes.  She is struggling with everything in her to leave the habits of her old lifestyle behind--and is trusting that the ways of Jesus are far better than any high of this world.  But it's not easy. 

During her last visit, she asked me if I could help her find some Bible verses that mention how God sees her--who He says she is--as she wants to fill herself with such truth.  I was immediately reminded of a Bible verse that had come to my mind earlier that day to share with her, and so I did:

God's Word says that you are...

The Apple of His Eye

...which means that you are at the very center of His affection.  Like the pupil is at the center of the eye, you are at the very center of His love, and His desire is for you. 

Please pray for Appleina, and for her to continue to follow hard after her new Savior.  Her old life that was destructive to others and to herself is fighting hard to keep her...but we know that He who has called her by name is full of love, and is faithful.

"Show the wonder of Your great love,
   You who save by Your right hand
   those who take refuge in You from their foes.

Keep me as the apple of Your eye; 

  hide me in the shadow of Your wings
  from the wicked who assail me,
  from my mortal enemies who surround me." 

                                --Psalm 17: 7-9

***And yes, the apples above were handpicked
       by you know who :)

Preparation

We are most definitely in a season of preparation here.  The Lord is paving the way for the women He will bring one day, and He's doing it in the most amazing of ways.


We, as a family, have settled into our new home and surroundings, and absoultely LOVE this new life out in the countryside that the Lord has given us.  We have to pinch ourselves sometimes that this dream really became a reality, and that this beautiful home is ours.  It is crazy.  Crazy good.


We have spent the last weeks unpacking and organizing, sanding and painting, weeding and pruning.  We are getting ready for our girls.  Preparing for their arrival. 


Little did we know that He was going to prepare us in a different way--with our first long term guest.


Faith, I will call her, is the daugther of one my dearest friends.  She is 23 and is from the States.  Faith had heard about the house the Lord had given us, and emailed to ask if she could come and help us get settled in.  She said "I just want to help you in any way I can. I'll cook, I'll clean, I'll paint, help with the kids, anything!"  She was supposed to be here for two weeks.  She will now be here for two months.  About a week after she was here, we all felt like she was supposed to stay longer--until the work was done.  Not the work we're doing on the house...but a Greater Work that He has been doing in her heart. 

You see, Faith came here without faith or hope in our Living God.  Although she grew up in a Christian family, she never accepted Him as her own.  Rather, she rebelled, and wanted nothing to do with Jesus.  Coming here, she still knew that she wanted nothing to do with Jesus--she simply wanted to help us.  However, God had other plans for her. 

The first night she was here, I asked her if she'd be open to reading a chapter of the Bible every day.  We would read one chapter, write in our journals about it, and then come together each morning to discuss it. I felt very strongly that we should read Romans.  She said yes.  Not only did we read all of Romans; we have now read 1 Corinthians and are now reading Ephesians.  This is HUGE, because up until her arrival here, Faith had never read God's Word; she'd had no desire for it.   Now (to her surprise!) she loves it.  These morning times have become dear to us, and the Lord has used His Word to challenge both of us and move us in ways we never imagined.

For the first time in her life,

Faith has HOPE.

Faith is not the same woman she was one month ago.  It has been our honor to watch the Lord speak tenderly to her and to watch Him show her how big and good He is.  She has come alive in front of our eyes, and we are simply grateful to be part of what He's doing in her. 

But there's more to it.  The Lord is using Faith to prepare our family for what it will be like to have a young woman living with us, 24/7.  Will it really work to have a young woman live with us?  Yes. Yes. Yes!  It  is all I'd imagined it would be and more.    Faith and I are doing what I'd always envisioned I'd do with the women who come. 

Here's an example of our typical weekday:

• After the kids are off to school, we start our day by going for an hour walk / jog in the countryside. 

• We come home and study His Word for about an hour privately, then we get together and share our thoughts and pray together.

• Then we work on certain projects in the house until the kids come home from school--painting, gardening, cleaning, organizing (right now our main focus has been painting the girls' rooms).  What I find especially poignant is that Faith has shared that as she/we do our work, it's like therapy for her.  There's something about working hard, with purpose, that is healing to the soul.

• The rest of the afternoon we spend having fun with the kids, whether we play outside or bake cookies.  Often one of us will take the kids while the other one continues to work and get something done for the house (there is much to be done around here!)

• My husband comes home around 5pm, and we have dinner together as a family.  This is a special time for us, an important time of family fun and bonding. 

• After the kids go to bed, at 7pm, it's alone time for my husband and I, while Faith goes and has some time to herself.

• Later Faith joins us and the three of us spend time together, talking about the ways God has been working in us...sharing our joys and struggles.  There is much laughter.  It is always a rich, good time.

Having Faith here is nothing short of wonderful.  She has become part of our family.  God has used our home and our  family to help and bless her, and she, in turn, has been used by God to help and bless us. 

This was my dream: this home, our family, and having a young woman be part of our family as she heals, comes to know Jesus, and comes to learn His purpose for her life.  It's a dream come true already to have Faith here with us...

and this is just the beginning. 


***Above photo was taken by Faith
      on one of her "God Walks"

Our Newest Addition

sweet baby HOPE